


History

by FrickingKaos



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Dramedy, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29475981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrickingKaos/pseuds/FrickingKaos
Summary: The year is 2011, and Kevin has been away from the Backstreet Boys since 2005. When he decides to throw himself back into things again and attempt to rejoin after taking a break, will the other boys welcome him back? Or will history repeat itself?
Comments: 28
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue

" _Kevin Richardson, longtime member of the Backstreet Boys… has left the band-”_

_“Backstreet Boys fans all over reeled as Kevin Richardson announced his departure…”_

_“Is this the end of the Backstreet Boys?”_

Kevin watched the TV, changing the channels over and over. All the music stations and entertainment stations reported the same. 

“Do you think I'm doing the right thing, Kris?” he called from the living room. He could hear his wife's feet come towards him across the carpet in her fuzzy slippers that he'd given her for Valentine's Day last year. 

Kristen walked into the room, putting her arms around her husband's waist from behind the couch. Kissing his cheek, she rested her head on his shoulder. She could tell he already regretted doing what he'd talked about for so long. He wanted a normal life. A quiet life. A life where they could start a family together like they both wanted. They’d been trying to but things kept getting in the way, like Kevin’s career with the Backstreet Boys. It didn’t leave much time to make babies. They barely had time off to have their wedding. Kevin looked at the wedding photos on the wall and smiled. All the guys had come, even Nick who showed up two hours late and had lost his luggage. He was happy to have them a part of his life but right now, Kevin just wanted to be Kevin. 

“I can't tell you that, honey. You need to figure this out on your own.” she replied. Kevin nodded and shut off the television, kissing her back. She was right, even though he'd never tell her. He wasn't inspired anymore. He needed his space. The others had kind of made it clear at one point or another that they wanted to keep going and he wasn’t sure he had it in him right now. 

They didn't need this old man to drag them down anymore. 

It was time to set his little brothers free. 

They'd all known it was coming when they had called a meeting about the next record. Well, some of them knew. Nick was always oblivious to most things. 

_“So what kind of sound should we go for this next album?” the manager asked everyone in the conference room. Nick was busy texting on his phone and Howie was fighting boredom._

_“We should try something new…” Brian piped up. All of them seemed to agree… but Kevin. Kevin listened to them talking about doing country, rock, more R &B. More pop. Old school. Kevin listened and listened until he cleared his throat. _

_“Guys, maybe we should take a break.” Confusion swept the room. Nick set down his phone on the table._

_“Like a bathroom break? I think that’s a great idea, I’ve had to go for the last ten minutes.” Brian asked innocently._

_Everyone laughed but Kevin. Kevin almost laughed at him, but to him it wasn’t funny. Of course they had no intentions of taking a break. He knew that he was the only one who wasn't interested in moving forward right now. He didn't want to hold them back, when he was not inspired anymore. He was tired of all the fighting. The guys were at each other’s throats on the last tour for Never Gone and Kevin didn’t feel much like dealing with it again._

_“No…what I mean is - well…” He could feel two of the four pairs of eyes staring at him shooting daggers. He cleared his throat and continued._

_“I just think that we should rest for a little bit. We were at each other's throats last tour. Maybe a break is what we need.” Silence._

_“Surely you all feel the same way?” Kevin asked, looking at everyone. Nobody spoke up. Nobody looked at him. He only took one look at the others to know that none of them felt as he did. He was on his own. The odd man out. The killjoy._

_“We shouldn't stop now….this is a good time for us to keep going. Stopping now would not be a good idea. Think of your careers. You’ve been going strong for the last few years, you don’t want people to forget you.” the manager droned but Kevin put up his hand and interrupted him._

_“Career? What about my family? My wife and I would like to start one. I want children, I want to spend some time with my wife. I want to try new things. I just don't feel inspired anymore. I need to be on my own for a while… “ Nick slammed his hand on the table and jumped up angrily, startling Howie._

_“You're just going to walk?!? After everything we've been through?” he yelled, his face red. Nobody said anything. Not a word. Kevin put his head down. He knew Nick wouldn't take the news well. He knew none of them would._

_“Nick…..”_

_“Whatever. Go ahead and leave. Leave like the others did. I don't fucking care…”_

_“Nick, don’t do this…” Brian called after him but it was too late. Nick started shouting, he and Kevin went back and forth for about two minutes before the younger of the two finally got his last words in._

_“I HATE YOU!!!”_

_Nick got up and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Nobody spoke for a while. All of them were thinking the same thing. What were they going to do now?_


	2. Chapter 1

It was a lazy Sunday at the Richardson house. Kevin woke up and stretched, looking for his wife. He smelled something good cooking and smiled. She was up before him today. 

“Hi, honey.” 

“So you're finally awake then. I was wondering when you'd get up.” Kristin giggled, mixing the eggs in the bowl in front of her. Kevin kissed her on the cheek gently and smiled. It had taken a few years but he finally had the home life he wanted. Mason, their son was still asleep in the other room. 

“Well, you did keep me awake last night.” he whispered huskily, wiggling his eyebrows and making his wife laugh again. 

Kristen smiled back at him as his phone rang, but Kevin ignored it. 

Whatever it was could wait until after breakfast, couldn't it? 

“The Backstreet Boys have just announced their second cruise…”

Looking away from the computer, he smiled as he watched his son playing with their dog across the room. It was 2011 and just another day at home for him, but he still liked to keep up with what the other boys were doing from time to time. He still kept in touch with his little brothers when he could. He’d had dinner with them in Japan when they were on tour there and he was there at the same time. It was like old times. Especially when AJ had forgotten his wallet and Kevin offered to pay. After that dinner he found himself missing them even more than he did when he was doing Broadway or acting. 

He wasn't sure what to think about the fan cruise the guys were having. From what Brian said they were fun. He often missed the fans as well, whenever he got recognized in public he always felt happy, as if he was expecting them to just kind of forget he existed once he left. 

Luckily that wasn't the case when he found some of them at the grocery store once. They seemed really happy to see him and he was just as happy to see them. For him it was like seeing old friends. He looked at them and held their hands to say thank you to them for still being fans, something he had always done to make sure the fans knew that he appreciated them. 

“We miss you, Kevin. We wish you would come back.” the one girl had told him enthusiastically. He gave her a huge hug and they all took pictures together. He started thinking about how much he missed the fans again and performing. 

“Maybe one day,” he'd said with a sad smile. 

After the girls had walked away he couldn't stop thinking. As much as he'd tried to be normal again, as much as he tried to just be regular old Kevin- he couldn't avoid feeling the slightest bit empty. He missed the other boys. Seeing Brian at family gatherings once in a while wasn't the same. He tried to keep in touch, but Nick was always busy with some project aside from the occasional text. Howie would answer, but he'd always be in a rush. AJ would talk for a while on the phone but it would get awkward after a few minutes of silence and how are you doings. 

Did the other guys even miss him or was that just for interviews and for show? He wondered if he asked to come back, would they welcome him? Nick was angry at him for a while after he left. 

“Kris…”

“Yes, sweetie? Is everything okay?” Kristin asked, noticing his expression. He looked lost. She hugged him and kissed him gently on the cheek.

“I’m okay, I was just thinking.” 

“What are you thinking about?” 

“You know that interview we saw once where AJ said the door was always open?”

“I do. You ask me about it every so often.” she answered. Kristin knew what he was about to ask her and had seen it coming for a while. He’d brought it up a few times because she and him both knew how much he missed the guys. He would get misty eyed and smile a sad smile while he remembered. How he missed performing and being a group together. Kevin would often look up what was going on with the boys on the computer, and then start reminiscing or want to call one of the guys. He would watch old videos every now and then that he'd taken on his video camera. Videos from tours long since over and buried in a box behind some things in the closet along with his old tour clothes that he kept. He'd look at them and miss them. Miss the fans. Miss performing. Broadway was fun, but it wasn't the same as a concert. Neither was acting. He was inspired to sing again. 

Even when he did the play Chicago in Japan, the guys had called him to come to dinner and he was so excited before he then realized exactly how much he missed spending time with his four little brothers. He thought of it often. He was happy when Nick had called him to listen to some songs from his solo work and how proud he sounded when he approved of them. He loved when AJ would call and ask what he thought of whatever project he was working on. It was almost like they missed him too.

Or did they?

“Do you think they mean it?” Kevin asked, coming out of his thoughts. Kristen chuckled because this was always how the conversation went. She knew how much he wanted to go back and wasn’t about to stop him, so she went along with it. Sometimes he would pick up the phone as if he wanted to call them but he always changed his mind. It didn’t seem like this was going to happen this time. She knew he was serious. 

“Well, I don't know. Maybe call them and ask?” 

Easier said than done. Kevin didn't much like to even make a phone call like that. How would it go? It would be very awkward. He’d left them hanging right before a new album with no direction and a lot of uncertainty. It seemed that they’d figured things out without him and he had almost wanted them to call him and tell him they needed him and he was making a mistake, but they never did. Kevin thought about how a conversation like this would go. 

Hey guys, sorry for being an asshole and ditching you but now I want to come back. 

No, that wouldn't do. 

“You could always ask Brian. He's coming to Mason’s birthday party.” Kristin suggested thoughtfully, and Kevin had to admit the idea had merit. Why hadn’t he thought of this? The party was a great opportunity to speak to someone.

This was perfect. He'd ask Brian.

Brian was family. He'd understand. 

Wouldn't he? 

“Thanks for coming.” Kevin said, shaking Brian’s hand when he arrived at the birthday party. 

“How are things? What have you been up to?” 

Brian smiled at Kevin and handed over the large box covered in wrapping paper as Baylee walked past, knowing Kevin was about to ask him something important. He could tell this about his cousin, he always hesitated before jumping into anything. 

“Well, it's been a while since we saw you…things have been a bit hectic with group plans and all that. I won't bore you.” Brian said, waiting for Kevin to just start talking about what he wanted to. Kevin didn’t say anything. 

Kevin and Brian went out to the backyard and each of them grabbed something to drink from a cooler by the pool. The kids were all splashing around and the water looked inviting while the adults enjoyed the barbecue under the hot July sun. 

“I saw you guys are doing a cruise again. I take it that the first one went well?” Kevin asked, still trying to make small talk while he thought of how to propose his question. 

Brian smiled and drank his beer. 

“You saw that randomly, or have you been keeping tabs?” he chuckled softly. 

It was funny to see Kevin blushing, his ears turned a slight shade of red. 

“Sometimes I do, yes. I like to know what y'all are up to. I may have left but that group meant a lot to me. It's part of me…”

“Well, it's funny you say that because the whole time Nick kept saying that you'd never do a bunch of the stuff we get up to.”

“Did he now?” 

“He talks about you a lot.” 

Kevin smiled. He had been hoping that Brian would mention that because of how Nick reacted when he had announced to the others he was leaving the group for a while. Nick was the one he was most worried about accepting him. 

They talked for a while longer before Brian cleared his throat and took another beer. 

“So are we going to pretend to discuss Nick or did you have something to ask me?”

“I've been thinking-” Kevin started but his wife came over in a rush. 

“Someone needs to look after the grill, everyone's getting hungry.” Kristin interrupted, holding a plate of burger patties and smiling. Kevin and Brian moved to the patio, where he started to cook lunch. He tried to recollect his thoughts. 

“What were you going to say?” Brian asked.

Kevin started stoking the coals on the barbecue while it heated up and took another drink from his beer bottle. 

“I think I am ready to come back.” 

Brian looked genuinely confused, as if he had stared into the sun too long. 

“Come back?”

“I know I left you guys hanging, but I think I am ready to come back to the group with everyone’s blessing.”

Brian didn't say anything but dropped his beer bottle in surprise, causing everyone to look up and Leighanne to run over and fuss over her husband. 

Kevin wondered briefly if the others would also take this the same way and if they would really accept him back into the group. 

Today was definitely a interesting day. 


	3. Chapter 2

Kevin was nervous as he walked up to the warehouse where he was told to meet the group that he was thinking of joining up with in Orlando after he had auditioned for Lou Pearlman the other day. He was told to come to this warehouse to sing with them to see how they sounded. Looking at the others from afar, he noticed that some of the other boys were very young. 

“Hello, Kevin. Glad you could make it.” Lou greeted him with a big smile. He patted Kevin on the back and Kevin smiled back at him, looking skeptically at the two teenagers across the room. 

“You didn’t tell me they were so young.” Kevin said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. 

“I thought we should have a variety, and these boys had the best vocal talent of everyone we saw in auditions. I think you’ll fit right in once you get to know them. Give them a chance.” Lou said. Kevin finally went over to the others and introduced himself. 

“Hello, I’m Kevin.” 

“Howie.” 

“I’m AJ.” 

“Hi, I’m Nick.”

Kevin looked at them and they talked for a little while before they decided to sing a little something to see how they sounded together. When they finished everyone clapped. It was then that Kevin knew that the pieces fit together.

“That was perfect.” Kevin said, looking at the others. They spent a few days rehearsing some of their songs and dances and everyone seemed to be getting along well together. Everyone was happy with how things were going until it was pointed out that four members were not enough for what the group needed to accomplish. 

“There’s one problem though, boys. Most of your music that you will be singing for the performances are a five part harmony.” Lou pointed out. 

“We need another member.” 

“Yeah, I think five would be perfect. We just need one more.” Howie agreed. 

Lou came over to them and they all discussed options. They were planning to hold more auditions. Kevin didn’t like the fact that they were going to have to wait because from the sounds of things the guys had been waiting a while and gone through a few members before they even got him. Would it take just as long to find someone else to round out the group? Suddenly, it dawned on Kevin that his cousin could sing. He wondered if Lou would go for it even if he didn’t audition. 

“Hey, I think I know someone we could get.” 

“Is it someone you know from Disney World?” Johnny, one of their managers asked. 

“No, I have a cousin...his name is Brian. He sings gospel at church, and has great harmony, he has a voice like an angel. I bet if I asked him, he would do it.” Kevin suggested. He knew Brian wasn’t trying to break out into singing and had his sights set on college, but he knew Brian was a fit for this group. Something told him that Brian was the missing piece they needed.

“Get him on the phone and let me hear him sing.” Lou said to everyone’s surprise. Kevin knew Brian was in school so he called the school, who pulled Brian out of class. 

“What’s gong on that couldn’t wait until I was home?” Brian laughed when he found out that Kevin was on the other end of the line. 

“I want you to do me a favor. I need you to sing something for this guy Lou on the phone, he’s looking for a fifth member for the group I just signed with here in Florida. I think it would be a good opportunity for you, I know you can sing really well. Please do this for me.” Kevin begged. 

“I don’t know, cuz. Are you sure about all of this?” Brian asked. He sounded uneasy. Kevin managed to convince him to sing over the phone and Lou sent for him immediately. Everyone was so excited that they had found their fifth member. 

“So what is Brian like?” Nick asked Kevin when they were waiting for him to come down from Kentucky. Kevin didn’t really get along well with Nick in the beginning because of the age difference but he seemed like a nice kid. 

“He’s a little like me.” Kevin said. 

“I hope he’s as cool as you.” Nick replied. Kevin had to laugh. He and Nick had really grown close over the little time they spent together. Nick seemed to follow him like a lost puppy. He was the oldest in his family and didn’t really have anyone to look up to, so Kevin was happy to take on the role of big brother to the others. When Brian finally arrived he sang with them and it was like magic.

The Backstreet Boys had finally found the missing piece of the puzzle and were now complete. They’d go on to work hard for many years and be successful. 

Kevin sat in his office, looking at a photo album of some old pictures from that day the boys had become five. It was like forever ago, hard to believe the ride he had been on until six years ago when he had decided to stop. The last six years had also been an adventure but he was ready to start another one. He’d talk to Brian at the birthday party and get a feel out for how the others would take to him coming back to the band, surely they’d be happy and welcome him back. He was their big brother and they were definitely family. 

Family forever whether they wanted him back or not. 


	4. Chapter 3

Leighanne ran over to Brian as soon as they heard the glass bottle smash. 

“Hey, sorry I'm late!” 

Kevin looked up to see Howie and Leigh at the back of the house. He'd totally forgotten that they'd invited them but here they were. 

“Husband, are you okay?” Leighanne asked again, because he hadn't answered her. Brian coughed uncomfortably and started shushing her, because he was annoyed. He didn't like being fussed over and she was embarrassing him by making a scene. 

“I'm fine, no worries. Kevin and I were just discussing some stuff. Seriously, I'm fine honey. I'll be fine.” he insisted, rolling his eyes when she wasn't looking. Shr eventually left him alone to everyone's relief.

He and Kevin exchanged looks and cleaned up the glass before Kevin went back to setting up the burgers on the grill.

"I hate when she's like that. Sorry about the mess." Brian apologized. Kevin put up his hand to let him know it was fine. 

“Did I miss something? You guys are quiet.” Howie asked. Nobody said anything, but Kevin closed the grill and grabbed another beer, handing one to Howie. Brian took one as well. 

“I asked Brian if I could come back to the group.” Kevin blurted. Howie still looked confused. 

“Come back? Like come back, come back? Are you sure?"

Kevin looked at the ground. If everyone was going to have this reaction, maybe it was better he didn't return. Maybe it was better if he just told them he was joking and to pretend that he didn't miss them as much as he did. Maybe he should just forget the whole thing and let everyone go on with their lives just as they had been for the past six years. They didn’t need him. 

“What brought this on?” Howie asked. For the first time ever in their lives, Howie seemed shocked to discover that Kevin was actually nervous. 

“Just a few things I’ve been thinking about. I feel inspired again. I want to make music again.” 

Brian and Howie stared and Kevin stared back, his eyes focused. 

“You're really serious about it, aren't you?” Brian asked. Kevin closed his eyes and took a breath because he’d been rehearsing this speech over in his head all morning since he decided to tell them at the barbecue. His mouth suddenly got dry and he took a drink before continuing. 

“I have just been thinking about a lot of stuff. I miss the stage. I miss singing and performing. I miss the fans. I just started thinking about all of it. Especially about how AJ said the door was open, so I decided the hell with it and just to ask you all what you felt. I really miss you guys. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable.” 

“That's great, I know we miss you too...I'm sorry for freaking out. Of course we'd love to have you back. I mean that cuz. Right, Howie?” Brian said, patting Kevin on the back. Howie nodded in agreement. 

“I agree. AJ and Nick should be happy about it too. Nick talks about you all the time.” Howie said. Kevin gave them an unsure look. He kept thinking about Nick blowing up at him and it just played in his head any time that he even thought about Nick and talking to him. He didn’t want to see Nick angry at him again. He’d let him down and hated himself for it even though he knew he did what was right for himself at the time. 

"See. I told you." Brian agreed.

“Does he really?” Kevin asked. All he could think about was when he'd dropped the news on them in that conference room. He remembered it like it was yesterday. 

“I HATE YOU!!!” 

“Yeah he does. We all miss you, Kev. You're our big brother.” Howie said as Kevin went back to paying attention to his grill and flipped the hamburgers. Somehow Kevin didn’t think this was the same sentiment that Nick had, and it was then he knew he would have to get him alone to find out how he really felt. Even when he had performed with them one time years ago things were very awkward between him and Nick, he could only imagine what it would be like now. He knew Nick didn't hate him anymore but he knew how Nick felt about him leaving. 

All he thought about was Nick and how he knew he’d have to talk to him, to get him to be okay with him coming back before he went to the record label and officially reunited with the Backstreet Boys. The thought excited him and scared him to death at the same time. If Nick was okay with it, that would cement his decision and make him feel like he was making the right choice in returning. 

“Maybe I'd better talk to them too. I mean, Nick didn't speak to me for weeks...months after I left.”

Kevin didn’t notice the looks that Brian and Howie exchanged and the two of them felt it was better that way. Howie coughed and pretended to look at the burgers cooking on the grill, distracting Kevin with a discussion about barbecue pits. Brian wouldn’t have any of it and brought the conversation back. 

“So what are you going to do about Nick then?” 

“I should pay him a visit in Tennessee.” Kevin nodded thoughtfully. 

Brian sipped at his beer and went quiet. He'd known all too well about that, how Nick had thrown a fit and he'd watched Kevin chase after him outside. Nick played it off as if everything was okay at first but when they all realized Kevin really was gone…Nick was angry again. He'd cursed and cried until he was red in the face. Brian hadn't forgotten because he was the one who picked up the pieces after Kevin had gone. It had taken a couple hours to even get him out of the bathroom he’d locked himself in because he didn’t know how else to deal with it. The bathroom was Nick’s answer to most things he didn’t want to deal with. 

“I think that's a great idea.” Brian said with a smile, trying to pretend he wasn't worried. Part of him wondered if Kevin should even be going alone to see Nick because he wasn’t sure how it would go. Sure, Nick was generally over the whole situation, but it had been six years. How would he feel about Kevin coming back after making such a huge scene when he left? 

He only wondered how Kevin was going to convince him things were going to be fine. Everyone knew how Nick was. Brian just hoped that Kevin knew what he was getting himself into.

“So we are going to shoot the video in Nashville, yes?” 

Nick was half paying attention to his manager, Lori. They were discussing his new album and the music video for his single Burning Up. He was really proud of the album and didn't care if it even made it to number one. He just was happy to make solo music again. Being a Backstreet Boy was something he loved but he also loved doing his own thing as well. He was grateful for his bandmates allowing him the freedom to do that. 

“Sure, Lori. That sounds great.” 

His phone vibrated and he saw a text from Kevin, but he ignored it. He was in the middle of a meeting…it could wait. 

Kevin stared at the message he'd sent Nick, frowning. 

“You all right?” Kristen asked from across the living room. 

“I think Nick is ignoring me.” 

Nick usually answered him back right away but lately it seemed like he was avoiding him. Kevin didn't like to think that but the way everyone was acting he couldn't help but feel the slightest bit annoyed by the situation. 

“I'm sure he wouldn't. Maybe he's just busy.” 

Kevin nodded and continued to eat his lunch, thinking. 

“Leave me alone, I hate you!!!”

Nick's words echoed again and he shook them off. He was sure Nick would be okay with him wanting to come back. Brian and Howie seemed happy. Maybe he could just talk to AJ first and leave Nick for later. That would surely be better. 

Kevin went to see AJ in LA for lunch because it was easiest to get him that way. AJ was busily planning his wedding to Rochelle, a girl he’d been seeing for a few years. Kevin was really proud of him for finally taking that step and being serious about it this time. AJ seemed like he was in a good place in his life, sober and happy. 

“It’s really good to see you, Kev.” AJ said as they hugged before sitting down to eat dinner. They’d gone to a local burger place and ordered their food. Kevin got a beer but AJ didn’t, he ordered a Coke. 

“No beer for me,” he’d said with a chuckle. 

Kevin smiled and sipped at his drink as they talked. 

“I’m so happy for you and Rochelle. She seems like a great woman.”

“Thanks, I mean marriage scares the crap out of me. For real. Was it like that for you, or did you always know you wanted to marry Kris?"

“It was like that for me, but I know you’re making the right move. I can tell you’re really happy, Jay. Truly happy and it’s great.” Kevin smiled. Of all the people in the group, Kevin was the one AJ had to thank the most for being where he was today. If he hadn’t barged in his hotel room that day and staged the intervention he’d have overdosed that day. They’d exchanged so many words that afternoon and it was forever engraved in his brain. 

“YOU’RE DEAD TO ME. YOU HEAR ME, AJ? DEAD TO ME!!! FUCK YOU!!!”

The words had stung, but in the end he’d gone to rehab and he thanked God every day that he had listened to his friend because he’d have never met his fiancé. Rochelle was a makeup artist and after working with her a few times, he’d managed to ask her on a date. They’d been together for a while before AJ had proposed to the surprise of everyone. Nobody thought that the band’s resident bad boy bachelor would ever settle down, but it was finally going to happen that year. 

“I have you to thank for a lot of it. It’s good to see you because we all miss you so much. Seriously.” AJ said. 

Kevin smiled again, digging into his French fries and dipping them in ketchup. 

“I’m so glad to hear you say that, because I’ve seen so many interviews where you mentioned the door was always open for me to come back.” 

“Well, I meant every word.” AJ replied, drinking his Coke. 

“That’s one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you….I want to come back to the group…”

AJ almost spilled his soda all over the table and Kevin laughed. It was just like Brian and Howie at the barbecue...would all of them react this way? He really wondered how Nick would react. Maybe he was making the wrong decision. 

“Look, if you guys don’t want me to come back, I completely understand.” he muttered. AJ’s eyes were going wild and Kevin seemed surprised that a smile played at the corners of his mouth. 

“What kind of a question is that? Of course you can come back!! I’m sure the other guys are going to be so stoked about it when we tell them!!” AJ said. This made Kevin happy but his mind once again turned to Nick and the fight they’d had when he left, the fact that his messages were getting ignored and that they had not spoken in months. Nick was always busy but it seemed like he was too busy to make time for his big brother. 

Kevin really hoped he could figure out a way to talk to him.


	5. Chapter 4

"Hey, did you know the boys are in town for a show this week?" Kristin pointed out one evening during dinner when she caught Kevin on his laptop checking up on what the Backstreet Boys were doing. She often laughed and would tease him about it but she knew how much he missed them. He'd only been gone three years but he still kept in touch with them. They were currently on the Unbreakable Tour. 

"I did." Kevin grinned. 

"You're thinking of going to see them, aren't you?" his wife asked. They'd just finished dinner and were moving onto dessert. It wasn't anything special, just some vanilla ice cream and hot fudge. Kevin almost had to laugh because he had actually just finished thinking about dropping in and surprising them at their show in Los Angeles. 

"I dunno if they'd want to see me, I mean Nick was pretty mad at me when I left. We haven't spoken much in the last three years except for here and there. Don't you think it would be awkward if I just showed up?" 

“I can tell you want to go, honey. Why don’t you call one of them? Like Howie or something.” Kristin suggested. Kevin hadn’t talked to Howie in a while, he figured they could grab lunch or something while the boys were in town. So he did just that, he gave Howie a call and they met up for lunch at The Ivy in LA. There were some paparazzi around but they tended not to bother Kevin a whole lot, which he was happy about. He definitely did not miss them pushing their cameras in his face when he would go out and about. 

“Kev, it's so good to see you.” Howie greeted him, giving him a hug. Kevin had always gotten along well with Howie because he was near him in age, and was very grounded like he was. Not that the others weren’t, but he just had a good connection with Howie. 

“Thanks for coming out to lunch with me. I’m sorry I didn’t invite the others, I hope nobody was offended for not being included.” Kevin said as they sat down at the table. 

“Oh, AJ was a little upset but he’ll live. Besides, you and I don’t get to hang out by ourselves without the kids very often.” Howie chuckled. They ordered their food and went on with their conversation. They talked about all kinds of things but Kevin realized there was something he’d been wanting to tell Howie and hadn’t had a chance to yet. 

“Howie, I am sorry if this is bringing down the mood, but I just wanted to give you my condolences to you and your family with your dad passing over the summer.” 

Howie’s expression turned solemn and he looked down at the table. 

“Thank you. It’s been hard but we are getting by. Death is never easy to deal with. I know you lost your father right when you joined the group. How did you deal with it? I know he was sick with cancer too.” 

Kevin smiled sadly, remembering his father. He had gone home to Kentucky to help because his dad was very ill. Seeing his father so sick was the hardest thing he had ever dealt with in his entire life. 

“My family didn’t want me to come home because I was doing so well in Florida. My mom wanted me to keep going for my dream of acting and singing, so she would tell me he was fine until one day she said she didn’t want to worry me but my dad was not doing good. I drove home right away. She scolded me when I came home to help take care of my father. He had something wrong with his stomach and they didn’t tell me because they knew I would drop everything and come back. So I pulled up to the house and my dad met me at the door because he didn’t want me to know how badly he was doing. He was really sick.” 

Howie just nodded, listening to Kevin talk. 

“He was a lot sicker than he let on. So I ended up getting all my stuff and staying with him in Kentucky until he passed away some time later. The important thing to remember is that death does hurt, it is painful for us...but at least he is not suffering anymore. Your dad is up there with my dad and they are watching over us together, probably laughing at the shit their sons get up to.” Kevin said, sniffling. He wiped his eyes and so did Howie, who smiled at him and nodded through the tears. Kevin was happy he could give Howie some comfort because it was apparent he was still grieving. 

“Thanks for inviting me out, Kevin. You helped me a lot. Are you coming to our show tonight?” Howie asked, when they had paid for their food and hugged briefly. Howie seemed to be feeling much better and was smiling. 

“Oh, I don’t know. Don’t you think it would be a little strange without me on stage? I have not really seen you guys since I left.” Kevin said, thinking about Nick mostly and how angry he was when he walked out of the group meeting that morning. He could still hear his voice when he thought about that day. Even though he and Nick had gotten back on speaking terms somewhat, he still felt guilty. 

“I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried Nick will lash out if he sees you, aren’t you?” Howie pointed out. They walked away from the restaurant towards where Kevin had parked his car because Kevin had offered Howie a ride back to the hotel where the guys were staying near the Staples Center. 

“I don’t know how he will feel with me there. We are friendly, but you don’t know what he is thinking. You and I both know he isn’t afraid to speak his mind.” Kevin said, his hands in his pockets. 

Howie convinced him to come that night anyway and everyone backstage was so excited to see Kevin, All of the crew greeted him like he was still a member of the family. 

“Good to see you, buddy.” AJ said, hugging Kevin around the middle. Kevin hugged him back. 

“It’s good to see you too. You look great.” 

Brian was next and also hugged him, patting him on the back.

“Hey, cuz.” 

Kevin looked around and didn’t see Nick anywhere, he felt nervous. 

“Where is Nick?” 

“He’s been sick so we don’t know if he is up to perform all night tonight. We had to cancel yesterday’s show because he was so sick. So we wanted to ask you if maybe you wanted to come on stage and sing a song with us?” Brian asked. Kevin stared at them, so many thoughts going through his head because he was not expecting this at all. He hadn’t performed with them in about three years. He hadn’t been with them on stage in three years. He felt nervous and he didn’t know why. 

“This is kind of sudden. Did you ask Nick if he was okay with it?” 

Nobody could answer because Nick walked into the dressing room, coughing with a towel over his head and holding a cup of hot tea. He sipped at it and looked up at Kevin, confused. 

“Am I hallucinating or is that Kevin?” Nick asked, his voice a bit sore. 

Everyone laughed. 

“Hi, Nick. Are you feeling okay? You look flushed. I thought you were resting.” Brian asked. Nick rolled his eyes and coughed. 

“I am fine. We have a show to do.” 

“I’m sorry that you don’t feel good, but I’m happy to see you.” Kevin said, smiling at his cousin taking on the dad role of the group. He listened to Nick and Brian argue briefly about Nick not taking care of himself and resting. 

“I rested all day yesterday. I’m fine.” Nick said, before coughing again. He took a big drink of tea and wiped his nose on his arm. 

“Nick, the guys asked me if I wanted to sing a song with you tonight. Is that okay with you?” Kevin asked. The other three were silently watching the two of them. 

“Whatever. I don’t care. ” Nick said dully, flopping down on the couch and closing his eyes for a few minutes. Nick didn’t say much the rest of the time they had before the concert and Kevin felt bad for how sick he was. Nick had performed sick so many times before but he’d always powered through, throwing up backstage and acting like nothing was wrong when on stage. 

“Your opinion is important too.” Kevin said. 

“I really don’t care. Do whatever you guys want to do, I don’t feel good.” 

Kevin couldn’t help but feel awkward and as if he wasn’t welcome but he agreed to stay anyway and surprise the fans. Everyone ended up deciding to stop pressing Nick and they got Kevin set up to come on stage during the show. The song the boys chose for him to come out to was Shape Of My Heart. 

“Nick are you okay?” Kevin asked when he saw Nick dump a bottle of water on his head. He looked pale and sweaty, his eyes dark. He coughed and rubbed his face with a towel. 

“I’ll...I’ll be fine, just go on without me.” Nick croaked. He gave Kevin a thumbs up and Kevin continued warming up his voice a bit. It had been a little while since he sang and he felt rusty, but the other guys assured him he sounded great. They’d harmonized for a little bit before the show and it almost made Kevin cry to hear how they sounded together again. He felt so nervous as the music started and he licked his lips, adjusting his hat before the lights dimmed and the spotlight went on Brian. Brian started singing and Howie joined him. Kevin took a breath and walked out on the stage, singing as the crowd went absolutely insane seeing him there. He couldn’t hide his smile seeing the fans faces and their reactions to him singing with the other four Backstreet Boys again. His nerves went away and he hugged Brian before harmonizing with AJ. The girls in the front row were going wild. 

Dancing along to the music and continuing the song he felt something inside him stir up, he had forgotten how much he missed being with the other guys. Nick even ended up coming out and trying to sing for that song, so Kevin tried to make him laugh by lifting up his shirt and rubbing his hand on his stomach. Nick started laughing. The screams were deafening at that point and Kevin just stood on stage, dancing and feeling happy to be with his brothers again. Even though things had been awkward, he was glad he got to have that moment with them and hoped that eventually things between him and Nick would be okay. 

One day they would be. 


	6. Chapter 5

“Guys, you’ve been asked to throw out the first pitch of the Red Sox game tomorrow, and we need to let them know if you’re up to doing it.” 

Kevin looked around at the other guys during lunch and nobody said anything. AJ was still nursing a hangover from the previous night’s binge drinking so he was quiet. Nick was busily texting, Brian and Howie ate in silence. It was in the middle of summer of 2001 during the Black and Blue tour and everyone was getting on each other's nerves already. 

“Do y’all want to do the pitch tomorrow?” Kevin asked, a bit louder than their manager had said. The manager gave an apologetic shrug. 

“Sure,” Brian said brightly. Howie also agreed and then they all looked at the two youngest. 

“Nick?” Kevin asked. 

“Huh?” Nick said vacantly, still occupied with his phone. 

“We are throwing out the first pitch at the baseball game tomorrow.” 

Brian grabbed the phone out of Nick’s hand, and Nick started turning red in the face. 

“Give it back.” Nick demanded. Kevin sighed in aggravation, rolling his eyes. He knew another fight was about to erupt. 

“Can you answer our manager at your convenience, your Majesty?” Brian snapped. He and Nick went back and forth while Brian was playing keep away with Nick’s cell phone that was buzzing. Howie coughed and went to pay attention to the pretty waitress that brought their coffee even though he had a girlfriend. Eventually Brian gave up and handed Nick his phone back. 

“Answer the question or I take it again.” Brian said. Nick sat for a few minutes, thinking as everyone watched. 

“What was the question?” Nick asked, causing everyone but AJ to groan exasperatedly. Kevin wanted to make sure that everyone agreed before he told their manager it was fine. 

“Sorry, Kevin. Yeah let’s do it.” Nick said finally. 

“AJ? How about you?” Howie asked. 

“Sure, let’s go. It will be fun.”

“I know it’s our day off. Are we all going to be okay with doing this on our day off and commit to it?” Kevin asked again, and everyone agreed. Something inside told him that it wasn’t going to go smoothly because nothing on the Black and Blue tour had so far. AJ had become such a problem and everyone was getting tired of each other to the point where there was not a lot of relaxed moments like today. They barely could be in the same room without arguing lately and Kevin was tired. They were all tired. 

“Just tell them we are doing it.” Kevin said as he put sugar in his coffee and stirred it. The guys continued talking. That night after the concert everyone was feeling tired and they went back to the hotel to get some well deserved sleep for the next day. They had back to back shows in Boston so they were there a few days. Tomorrow was their day off. 

“AJ, where are you going?” Kevin asked when he saw him heading out of the hotel lobby.

“Out.” 

“Don’t stay up too late, remember we are doing that baseball game tomorrow and I want everyone to be ready on time to go to the stadium. Okay?” 

“I got you. Don’t worry about me, buddy.” AJ said, waving brightly as he left. Kevin already knew what AJ was going to do before he did it and there was nothing he could do to convince him to stop. He hated seeing him destroy himself every night, hated to see the person he was turning into due to the drugs and alcohol. It killed him to see his little brother in that dark place. On more than one occasion he tried to talk to AJ and talk some sense into him but it had all failed. So that night when he saw AJ leave, one look at him told Kevin all he needed to know. 

The next morning everyone was getting ready to go to the baseball stadium for the Red Sox opening day game. All the boys were down in the lobby and waiting but AJ was not there. 

“Has anyone seen AJ?” Kevin asked. Everyone shrugged. 

“He said he wasn’t coming.” 

Kevin turned to their manager, feeling the anger rise inside himself. The baseball team was expecting all 5 Backstreet Boys and it had been announced that theyd all be there. They’d made a commitment. How could AJ be so damn stupid? 

“He what?!” Kevin exclaimed angrily. 

“Kevin...where are you going?” Brian called after him, but he’d gone to call AJ from the hotel phones in the lobby. AJ didn’t answer. Kevin was furious as he went up the elevator to AJ's hotel room, storming down the hallway. In the elevator he'd even tried to reach his band mate on his cell phone but it went to voice mail. He was not answering anybody. 

"AJ, ARE YOU IN THERE?" he screamed, pounding on the door with his fist. There was no answer. 

"What the fuck is your problem? You don't need me. Just go. I'm not going." came AJ's muffled voice from behind the door. Kevin was shaking because he was so angry, all he could see was red at that point so he threw his weight against the door and broke it, trying to get into the room. At that time all he wanted to do was throttle AJ for being so selfish and obnoxious to everyone. There were so many things leading up to today and things had finally reached a head. Kevin had enough. 

"What the hell? I said I'm not fucking going. Are you psychotic?" AJ shouted. 

"We made a fucking commitment, Jay. You promised all of us you were coming. They're expecting five fucking Backstreet Boys there. Not four. Your ass is going. Get out here. " Kevin screamed from the hallway. He'd gotten past one door and then was trying to get through the second one that AJ had locked. Kevin could hear him inside the room. 

"I don't fucking care." 

"I'm so fucking sick of this shit, AJ. All of us are. We can't keep doing this all the time. You need to take care of yourself…" 

"You're not my father. I don't need you to tell me what to do. You do it to me all the goddamn time. You do it to Nick. Fuck off. I'll fucking quit. I'm out of here." AJ yelled back. 

"I can't do this anymore. You're fucking dead to me!" Kevin screamed through tears. He hated saying that to his little brother, but it needed to be done. AJ needed a push to get help. He needed to want to help himself or they were going to lose him. 

After the fight and Kevin had broken the hotel room door, Kevin had gone back downstairs to tell everyone that AJ wasn't coming. He was ready to quit the group but management convinced him to go to rehab instead and they postponed the rest of the tour while he received treatment. It was hard on everyone but they all had Kevin to thank for giving AJ the wake up call he needed to get his life back on track. 

Kevin was thankful he couldn't get in the second door to AJ's room. 


	7. Chapter 6

Kristen walked into the kitchen to see her husband on the computer, a cup of coffee next to him. It was late at night. He usually did not stay up late but he seemed to be deep in thought.

“Are you okay, babe?”

“Yeah, I’m just looking at flights to Nashville.”

She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, draping her arms around his neck from behind him.

“You’re thinking about surprising Nick, aren’t you?”

Kevin kissed her back and continued his computer search. She had a way of knowing what he was thinking even without him telling her.

“I read that he’s filming his music video and I was thinking of popping in to say hello since he’s been too busy to answer my texts.” 

Kevin had been secretly watching Nick’s twitter page, noticing that Nick had made an announcement that he was looking for fans to be a part of the music video. He figured this was as good of a time as any to talk to him, he’d rather be face to face and these days Nick was never in LA unless the group was doing something together. He eventually booked the flight and the next thing he knew he was packing a carry on to fly to Nashville, Tennessee. Nick had been living in Tennessee for a few years, since he’d decided getting out of LA was better for his sobriety and personal health. Kevin was very impressed at how serious Nick was about his health now but a big part was owed to his girlfriend Lauren Kitt. Lauren and Nick had been seeing each other for a couple of years and Nick seemed happy. Lauren turned a lot of things around for Nick and being healthy was one of them as she was into fitness. 

“Hi, Lauren.” Kevin said when she picked him up at the airport. He was happy that Lauren had offered to pick him up when he told her he was coming. He had decided not to tell Nick ahead of time he was visiting and kept it a surprise. Lauren was happy to play along. 

“It’s so good to see you.” Lauren said, hugging him. Kevin looked around for Nick, not that he expected him to be there. 

“Nick didn’t come.” 

“He’s on set at the shoot but I can bring you by there if you want. I was going to go there anyway. He’s filming for Burning Up. He’ll be so happy to see you. Does he know you’re coming?” Lauren asked. Kevin coughed, watching the trees outside of the window. He’d never told Nick he was coming because he wanted it to be a surprise but he had texted Lauren because he figured he could surprise him at home before the video shoot. However, this would be great too. On a video set Nick was less likely to be moody because he was working. 

“No, he doesn’t know I am coming, but I want to talk to him because I had something important to talk about and I didn’t want to do it on the phone.” Kevin replied. They pulled into the parking lot of where the video shoot was and sat in the car for a few minutes, Kevin looking nervous. He wasn’t even sure why. All he was going to do was 

discuss coming back to the group. How hard could it be?

“Nick, please don’t be mad. I’m doing what is best for me right now. I thought you would understand.” 

“I HATE YOU!!! GET AWAY FROM ME, KEVIN. DON’T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!”

“Kevin?” Lauren said suddenly, as Nick’s voice echoed in his head. He shook it away and smiled at her. She was looking at him in concern and he smiled to reassure her. 

“Sorry. I was just thinking.” 

“You’re nervous, aren’t you?” Lauren asked in surprise. 

As much as he didnt want to admit it, he was nervous. He hadn’t seen Nick in a while or talked to him since they’d spoken briefly on the phone once about his solo music and he hoped this would go well, because it would make or break him coming back to the group. He didn’t know what he was going to do if Nick reacted poorly to his visit, because he was not expecting to be welcomed with open arms.

“You won’t know unless you go in. I’ll go first if it would make you feel better, and you can follow me.” Lauren offered. Kevin was happy she was so thoughtful. 

After sitting in the car for a few moments, Kevin finally got the nerve to get out of the car and head into the building where he saw people setting up for filming. It looked like a club scene, with many extras. Nobody seemed to notice him because it was dark inside and Kevin was thankful for that.

“Hi, baby.” 

Kevin heard Nick greet Lauren a couple doors away. He sounded like he was in a good mood as he kissed his girlfriend and they talked for a moment. Kevin let him talk to her for a bit before he decided to stand in the doorway. 

Nick looked good, Kevin knew about his continued weight loss since he had been keeping up with things. He'd visited then once on the Unbreakable tour and had told him how proud of him he was. Nick's hair was spiked up and he wore a white shirt with black pants. A striped tie was draped around his neck, not tied properly but just dangling. It took him several moments before he noticed Kevin in the doorway watching Lauren help him tie his tie. When he finally did, his eyes opened wide. 

“Kevin?” 

Nick’s angry voice echoed in his head and he kept thinking about that fight. He suddenly envisioned Nick getting angry and throwing him out, Lauren holding him back as he swung at him. This image was destroyed by Nick hugging him and shaking his hand.

“Hey, this is a surprise! It’s so good to see you, buddy.” Nick said with a big smile. Kevin felt a wave of relief wash over him but he was still very cautious. 

“It’s good to see you too. I hope you don’t mind me dropping in but this was kind of a spontaneous decision.” Kevin smiled back. Nick continued talking while Lauren helped him tie his tie. 

“Really? How did you even know I was here? Sorry about not answering your texts the other day, dude. I was in a meeting and forgot to reply.” 

"It's okay. I happened to read that you were going to be shooting a video here so I decided to drop by." Kevin laughed, he was definitely relieved that Nick seemed happy to see him. Nick waved his hand to a chair as he got ready for the shoot and they started talking about all kinds of things. They talked about Lauren, and Kevin’s wife and kids. Nick started to ask about Masons birthday party. 

“Kris missed you at the barbecue, I know you were busy but we would have loved to have you there.” Kevin pointed out. Kristen had told Kevin to send him her love as well. Nick and his wife had always gotten along and Kevin was happy that things had not turned out like they had with Brian and his wife with Nick. It was not a secret that Nick didn’t care for her, he was never subtle about it. 

“Tell her I said sorry about that. Was doing promo for the album. You know how it gets. Things have been going really good. I’m sorry I missed the birthday party. How is the little guy doing?” Nick replied. He sat across from Kevin and drank out of a bottle of water that was sitting next to him. 

“Mason is doing great, thanks. Everything’s great.” 

The conversation continued but Kevin couldn’t bring up the question just yet. He didn't know how to even begin. 

“Okay, so are we going to keep making small talk, or did you come here for a reason? Because you’ve never come to visit me unless it was something serious going on.” 

Kevin almost laughed because Nick was more intuitive than he took him for and he was constantly forgetting that. He had forgotten all of the boys were that way, because everyone seemed to know what he wanted to discuss before he started to discuss it. 

“Okay, little man...you caught me.” Kevin said, a small smile playing at his lips. 

“I haven’t heard that name in a while, Kev. I miss you.” Nick said.

“You’ll always be my little man.” Kevin replied wistfully. A flash of the 11 year old boy he knew when he first joined Backstreet flashed before his eyes and he smiled. 

“Hi, I’m Nick.” the teenager said with a big, toothy grin. Kevin hadn't expected to see such a young kid there.

“Kevin.” he said, holding out his hand. 

They smiled at each other and Kevin cleared his throat.

“Nick, the reason I came here was because….”

Suddenly a woman came into the room, wearing a simple shirt and jeans. Kevin sighed. It was his manager, Lori. 

“They’re ready for you on set, Nick.” 

“Sure thing, I’m coming now.” Nick said. He shrugged apologetically. 

Nick finished getting ready and Kevin knew they weren’t going to finish their conversation. This was not the way he hoped things would go and if Nick was so busy, would he ever have time to talk?”

“You can hang out if you like, and watch the shoot.” Nick offered as somewhat of an apology,

“I’ll just go back to the hotel and take a nap. Maybe we can try tomorrow?” Kevin said, shaking his head. Nick looked slightly disappointed.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” 

With that, he walked out of the dressing room and left Kevin to his thoughts. 


	8. Chapter 7

Kevin took a taxi to the hotel he was staying at which wasn’t far from where Nick lived in Franklin. He supposed he could have just asked to stay at Nick’s house, but he didn't want to intrude and wasn’t sure how Nick would react to him being there. Part of him felt Nick wouldn’t mind, because Nick seemed like he had grown up a lot since they last spent time together. However, on the other hand all he could think about was their fight….

_“GO AWAY. I HATE YOU!!!”_

_“Nick, please listen…”_

He got to the hotel, thinking things over and decided he would stay there instead...just in case the conversation with Nick took a turn for the worst. He also texted Nick to let him know he was staying in the area and invited him out for dinner.

Once he settled into his room, Kevin took a nap until he got a text from Nick.

_Would you like to come to dinner at the house? Lauren insists on having you over...hope I’m not bothering you. She says she’d rather cook for us then have us eat out. Hope that is okay._

Kevin decided this would be a perfect time to talk, Nick surely would have more time and be more comfortable at his house. He agreed and got ready to go, then took another cab to Nick’s home. Nick’s house was in a suburban type neighborhood, vastly different from where Kevin lived in LA. It was very quiet. The house was two stories with a wrap around porch, a swing out front. It was different from the houses Nick had in the past, houses by the beach and near the party spots.

“Kevin, I’m so glad you could make it for dinner. Come on in. Nick’s in the shower.” Lauren smiled when she came to the door, a well fed pug at her feet. Kevin recognized Nick’s dog right away and the dog seemed to remember him because he was friendly. 

“Hey, Nacho.” Kevin said, bending down to pet the dog. Nacho sniffed his hand and barked, wagging his tail as Lauren beamed at them. 

“Nick couldn’t stop talking about you yesterday, he was so happy to see you on set. You should have stayed to watch.” Lauren said when she closed the door behind them and led Kevin towards the living room. The house was decorated, but it was very cozy and you could tell someone lived there. Pictures lined the walls along with some of the Backstreet Boys various awards that Nick had displayed. A trophy case lined one wall of the living room. Kevin looked around and took everything in. The house definitely represented that Nick had grown up. 

“I didn’t want to intrude. There’s a reason I came down here, Lauren. I want to talk to him about something kind of important and I want his opinion….I felt it was better to talk in person.” 

“It’s not anything serious, is it?” Lauren asked with concern. 

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. Just group stuff.” Kevin laughed. They sat down in the living room on the large brown leather couch. A MTV moon man sat on the coffee table, and Kevin smiled at it. Lauren brought him a drink while he waited for Nick to finish in the bathroom. 

“You and Nick have been together for a while now, haven’t you?” Kevin said after Lauren sat down on the couch across from him. She was very pretty, tall with long dark hair and blue eyes. She definitely seemed like Nick’s type. Kevin had met Lauren before, when he had gone out to dinner with the boys in Japan on the This Is Us tour. He didn't tell any of them that he kept up with what the group was doing after the night he sang with them on the Unbreakable tour. After that night he had realized how much he missed all of them, and now was as good of a time as any to come back. The guys were between albums right now and figuring out what they wanted to do. 

“Yes, we have.” Lauren beamed. “Do you think you’ll be getting married anytime soon?” Kevin asked with a hopeful smile. Lauren started blushing. Kevin liked to see that they were in love and it was so obvious that this girl was good for Nick. Judging by how things were going, they were going pretty serious between them. 

“I’d love to someday, but I don’t want to rush things. You know how Nick is...he’s got a mind of his own. He’s a free spirit. I want him to be ready before we go further.” Lauren explained, looking up at the noise they heard coming towards the room. Staring off towards the living room doorway as they heard footsteps in the hall, Kevin smiled. She had hit the nail on the head, Nick was definitely a free spirit. 

“I know exactly what you mean.” 

“Hey, Kev. Sorry I kept you waiting.” Nick said suddenly, walking into the room. Kevin stood up and they hugged, Nick smiling the whole time. He was wearing a grey Tampa Bay Buccaneers shirt and red sweatpants. Lauren excused herself to go check on dinner, and Nick took the empty place on the couch. He sipped at a cup of coffee. 

“This is a nice house, very quiet neighborhood.” Kevin told him, suddenly feeling nervous again as he rubbed his hand across the couch cushion. He still did not even know why, but Nick seemed so happy and he didn’t want to upset him. 

“We like it. It’s a good place for me, away from all the parties and toxic people. It's very peaceful here.” 

"How did the video shoot go?" "It was great. The fans had a blast, I had a blast. I can't wait for everyone to see it. It's got such a fun sexy club vibe which is what the director was going for." Nick said. Kevin nodded and let Nick talk, going over in his head what he was going to say to Nick about returning to the group. All he had to do was start talking but he just couldn't get it out. Thankfully, Nick brought the conversation back to him. 

“So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about yesterday?” Nick asked. Kevin opened his mouth to speak but Lauren appeared in the doorway.

“Dinner is ready.” The three of them moved into the dining area, a simple room just off the kitchen with brown wood chairs and a large table. A chandelier hung over them, providing a warm glow. 

“I hope you don’t mind eating here instead of going to a restaurant. Lauren has been into cooking at home these days. She’s been trying to teach me, but you know how I am at cooking. I suck.” Nick chuckled, digging into his plate and chewing softly. 

“He almost burned the kitchen down.” Lauren laughed. 

“Did not.” 

“I’m sure it’s delicious.” Kevin chuckled. He remembered the time Nick had tried to microwave Pop Tarts and had almost set fire to his apartment. Nick was not known for being domestic so it was a nice change to see him learning. 

They ate and made small talk, mostly about how things were going with Kevin’s Broadway stint and his kids, Nick’s solo material, and their pets. They finished dinner and were about to move onto dessert, a chocolate cake Lauren had made. They were sitting around having coffee when Nick spoke again. Kevin was thankful that he didn’t have to start another round of conversation. 

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Nick asked suddenly, when Lauren excused herself to get dessert from the kitchen. Kevin coughed, almost dropping his cup of coffee. 

“Well...this is kind of hard.” he said. Nick’s eyes narrowed in concern, a million thoughts going through his mind. Kevin could tell it was going a mile a minute and almost laughed at the look of pure confusion on his face.

"Is everything okay? Nick asked. 

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I just wanted to ask you about-“ Nick’s phone started to ring and he made a face, raising a finger to excuse himself. Kevin sighed, thinking he would never get to talk to Nick at this rate if he kept getting interrupted. 

“Hi, Lori...hang on a sec, I was in the middle of dinner. Yeah...I went over those yesterday.” Nick said, mouthing that he was sorry before he got up from the table. Kevin sighed and went back to drinking his coffee, watching Nick walk out of the room as Lauren came in carrying the cake.

“Sorry, about that...it’s his manager- Lori. Must be important.” she said as she cut Kevin and herself a slice. They could hear Nick talking from the next room, it did sound like something important. Kevin started eating just to occupy himself because he was starting to get frustrated. 

“What did you want to talk to Nick about, anyway?” Lauren asked casually. 

“I want to come back to the group but I wanted to talk to him first and make sure he was okay with it.” Kevin whispered as he kept an eye on the doorway. Lauren seemed happy when he mentioned this and it made him feel a bit less nervous. 

“I’m sure he would be really happy, he always tells me how much he misses you and how he misses how the group used to be. When I told him to invite you to dinner he was so excited. Practically beaming. I’m sure he would love you to come back.” 

“I just hope you’re right about that.” Kevin muttered as he looked at the doorway where Nick was still talking...hoping he would get to talk to him soon without any more interruptions. 


	9. Chapter 8

It was 2004...Nick’s 24th birthday and the guys were in LA recording for their new album together. The other four Backstreet Boys had decided to buy Nick presents and just do something small at the recording studio because Nick had said he didn’t want to throw a huge party or anything that year. Kevin was happy he had decided to be low key because he could see that Nick looked troubled a lot lately, with his health and his relationship with the girl he was seeing at the time, Paris Hilton. None of the guys particularly cared for her because they all knew Nick was just a toy to her, a name she could attach to hers. They weren’t sure if she even loved him, but Nick had fallen head over heels and it definitely was not a good situation for anybody. They were not good for each other. Paris influenced Nick to go to parties where he would get drunk or do stupid things and the guys were getting a little annoyed by him. It was like AJ all over again minus the drug abuse. So Kevin decided to try and help him with a different approach, not exactly by breaking doors down or anything but maybe a little helpful advice. 

“Happy Birthday!” Kevin said when Nick walked into the recording studio that morning, holding a cup of coffee. It was unusual for him to be on time but that day he seemed a little off. He didn’t look happy. He gave Kevin a half hearted smile and sat down while they waited for the others to get there. 

“Are you all right?” Kevin asked. Nick's body language said he was not happy at all. 

Nick sipped at his coffee and shrugged, taking off his sunglasses and putting them in his pocket. His eyes were red as if he'd spent time crying before he came to the recording studio. He sat there quietly for a minute as if he were thinking up a lie to cover for the fact he was clearly upset. 

“I’ll be okay....I mean, it’s my birthday. What could be better than spending it with you guys?” Nick scoffed. 

Kevin felt so bad that Nick felt this way and he didn't say anything. He just looked at the floor. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it the way I came out….” he quickly apologized when he saw Kevin's expression. 

Kevin didn’t say anything, he just let Nick talk. Nobody else was there but the two of them. 

“It’s just...I’m 24. I thought I’d be somewhere else in my life right now. Not being on a leash and being led around like someone’s trained poodle. Her people aren’t my people. They were born into this whole other world that I don’t belong in. I grew up living in the back of a pickup truck on a mattress, sleeping outside because we didn’t have a place to live. She grew up in a mansion and always had money, had servants and all kinds of shit. What does she see in me? I’m a loser, Kevin. The only reason I’m on time to work today is because I had a huge fight with her this morning. I can’t do anything right, Kev. Why doesn’t she love me?” Nick asked, his eyes watering. 

“I’m sure she does, Nick. You can’t think like that, you're not the problem. There's plenty of people who love you and care about you.” Kevin said softly. He put an arm around Nick and hugged him but Nick shrugged him off, his eyes watering. 

“Nobody loves me because I'm a fucking loser. Happy fucking birthday to me.” he said dejectedly, crossing his arms and sighing. 

Kevin reached inside his own coat pocket and pulled out his present for Nick, wrapped in silver wrapping paper. 

“I was going to give this to you later at dinner, but I think that you could use it now.” Kevin told him. Nick wiped his eyes and took it, holding it for a moment and staring at it as if it were going to unwrap itself. He and Kevin sat there in silence before Nick finally began to unwrap the present. It was a book. Nick seemed confused. 

“What is this for?” Nick asked as he looked up at him. 

"It's a book to help you, I thought you could use some positivity in your life. You are so down on yourself all the time and I want you to remember that we care about you and we love you. You're my baby brother and I'll always care about you." Kevin replied, smiling as he tried not to tear up. 

Nick hugged Kevin, who took this as a thank you for the gift. He didn't say much else because the others arrived and he stuffed the book into his coat pocket, pretending that nothing had happened, even when Paris showed up to the recording studio with paparazzi and a birthday cake. Everyone would have really enjoyed the gesture except that Paris had her own face put on the cake. Nick looked like he wanted to hide under the table. He later told Kevin thank you again for trying to cheer him up with the book. 

Kevin didn't even think Nick would actually read the book but he knew Nick appreciated just simply being shown someone cared about him. 

Some years later, Kevin had been watching Nick on Dr. Phil and was incredibly touched to see that Nick had read the book and regarded it as one of his most prized possessions. He still had it and credited it for helping him when he needed it most. 

“I didn’t know you gave him that book for his birthday. I remember you telling me that you couldn’t think of a present to give him. Did you end up deciding on that?” Kristin asked as she sat next to Kevin on the living room couch. 

“He was going through such a hard time at the time that I thought he needed something to lift his spirits. He was so hard on himself and so negative that I worried he was going to end up like AJ. Nick wasn’t as bad off as AJ was with the alcohol as far as I know, but the problem was there. So I gave him that book thinking maybe it would save him. I guess I was right. Look at him now. He’s healthy and he’s making good choices.” Kevin smiled as he watched Nick speak. Kevin was happy he helped Nick get a second chance and hoped that eventually he would give him a second chance too.


	10. Chapter 9

“So have you talked to Nick yet?” Brian asked, getting right to the point before they exchanged pleasantries. 

Kevin almost chuckled as he talked to his cousin on the phone, Brian always had a knack for being blunt about things. 

“No. I went to dinner at his house but he got busy with a phone call and had to excuse himself.” he explained. 

“Oh. Well I went to talk to management and they said you coming back would not be a problem. They’d love to discuss things as soon as we have time, before it’s time for our cruise. In fact, they want to invite you to come as a guest.” Brian said as if he were still trying to process it all happening. Kevin raised his eyebrows, he wasn’t expecting the new management to be so accepting of him and a possible return. He was surprised that Brian had talked to them already because he wasn’t expecting any of the guys to want him back. He wondered why he thought that way, but chalked it up to him simply being nervous and his anxiety over it all trying to talk himself out of it. Maybe that was why talking to Nick was so important. If Nick didn’t think this was a good idea it would confirm his fears that maybe they didn't need him after all. 

“Is that so? Who said that, Jen?” Kevin asked. 

It wasn’t a secret that Kevin didn’t approve of the current BSB manager...he had heard of her having a fling with AJ and wasn’t sure if this was true, but the boys often joked about her being a hands on manager. She seemed very young, as was the company that managed them...Wonderful Union. 

“Yes, they think that a surprise visit from you would be great for the fans. She wants to have a meeting with all of us to go over everything because we need to go over themes and stuff anyway. The themes are going to be announced soon.” Brian explained. 

“That sounds great.” Kevin lied. The thought of a meeting with everyone gave him anxiety and he almost told Brian to forget the whole thing because it would be so awkward. 

“You don’t sound excited.” Brian pointed out. 

“Well, all of this depends on Nick. I really want his blessing to come back before I come to any meetings or cruises, but he’s so busy.” 

"I see. Why is it so important to you that Nick is okay with this anyway? He's not the boss, it shouldn't matter." Brian muttered. 

There was a long pause and Kevin smiled because he could literally hear the gears turning in his cousin’s head. Brian was great at solving things, he was the brains behind their lawsuit against Lou Pearlman. He pushed the issue of them not getting their full paychecks and if it wasn’t for him, they’d never have gotten out of their contract. Kevin was thankful for his cousin in many ways but that was just one of them. He was practically a brother to him.

"Brian, I asked the four of you. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't consider his opinion too. He's a member of the group just like you are. I'd rather talk to him about it."

  
  


“I know….why don’t you come anyway and you can still talk to Nick about it? We will all be together and I think it would be good in case there is an issue between you two still.” Brian suggested. Kevin did not like this idea because he knew right away Nick would not appreciate being the last one to know that he was coming back. He knew how this would go because it had happened before...when they all had a meeting concerning Nick and his solo record and what would happen with the group’s future should he leave. He was late and thought they were plotting to kick him out of the band, and only calmed down after they all talked to him. Nick did not control his emotions well and they all knew it. 

“No, I don’t want to overwhelm him. He’s going to think we all met privately without him and are ganging up on him. You know how he is with his anxiety. He’s going to feel betrayed.” Kevin pointed out. 

“Hmm, well how are you going to talk to him then? Catch him between interviews or something? The cruise is in two months, I’d get him while you’re still in Nashville. Like tonight. I know you want to get his blessing but if you don't we might just move forward, it's not like he let us give our blessings when he did his first solo record." Brian told him, bitterness hanging on the last words. Kevin was quiet for a moment because he knew how Brian felt when it came to Nick's solo career. 

"I'm just saying, consider what I said." Brian added. 

Kevin nodded, trying to think of a way to get together where they would not be interrupted by Nick’s manager or anyone else. Nick seemed so busy, maybe he was too busy for him. In a way Kevin was proud of him, because the first time Nick went solo the guys were at a point in their lives where they were beginning to be burnt out, and there was a lot of pressure from the label to release more music. However, they were starting to lose their inspiration. Kevin remembered how they took a bit of a break and let Nick do his solo thing. 

  
  
  
  


_ “This is just something that I need to do for myself. I’m not leaving the band...I wish you guys would see it the way that I do.” Nick explained to Kevin one day after another fight with Brian. Nick didn't understand why Brian was so angry over the solo album, but it had come as a surprise to everyone. Some of the guys felt that Nick had blindsided them with it. Nick hadn't talked to them much about any of it and they felt a little betrayed.  _

_ “I totally understand wanting to venture off on your own.” Kevin offered. He knew more than anyone.  _

_ Nick’s face scrunched up and he laughed. _

_ “Can you tell Brian, because he was pretty pissed at me during that meeting. He barely talked to me after and stopped answering my texts. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you guys, this is just something I need to do on my own for a little bit." he explained.  _

_ Kevin smiled back because he knew how stubborn his cousin was especially when it came to Nick and the future of the group. All of them were pretty certain that Nick was going to leave them high and dry. Personally at this point, Kevin didn’t really care either way because he was getting burnt out. They all were. He was welcoming any type of break he could get at the time.  _

_ “He just needs some time. ” Kevin said thoughtfully.  _

_ Nick stared off out the window and sighed. _

_ “I don’t want the band to break up, Kevin. You guys are my family.”  _

_ Kevin understood at the time more than any of the guys how Nick felt but he never told him.  _

  
  
  


Kevin decided to pick up the phone and call him to get together before he got tied up with any more of his solo work or group things. It was now or never. 

  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 10

“I can’t believe we have our own private plane.” Nick said excitedly as he looked up at the jet sitting on the runway for them to take their 100 hour tour. They were about to make history as the first band to travel to 8 countries in 100 hours and set a Guinness World record. Everybody was very excited for this trip and promo for the Black and Blue album. 

“Well, it’s not technically ours, we are just renting it...but it’s pretty dang cool.” Kevin agreed. When everyone got in the plane they explored it and found out that the beds were kind of small, but there was a huge bed in the back of the plane. 

“I get dibs on the bed!!” AJ yelled excitedly when he saw it. He went to jump in the bed but Kevin put a hand in front of him to block him. 

“I don’t think so. Why don’t we take turns, or we could share.” Kevin said, and AJ’s smile slid right off of his face. Everyone sighed because they knew what was going to happen. 

“Are you crazy? I’m not sharing a bed with Nick. He farts under the covers and then puts the blanket over my head.” Howie complained as Nick laughed and high fived Brian. Howie rolled his eyes because nine times out of ten he was the victim of Nick’s pranks. 

“Let’s play Mario Kart for the bed.” Nick said, pulling out the Nintendo 64 from his duffel bag. A collection of groans from the other guys meant that nobody was interested in the competition. 

“That’s not a fair fight, Nick. We all know you will win that one.” AJ scoffed as Nick pouted. 

“Hey, that’s not true. Last time we played I totally kicked his ass.” Brian pointed out. 

“Did not.” Nick protested, sticking his tongue out and punching Brian playfully in the arm. Brian hit him back. 

“Did too.” Brian said, sticking out his own tongue back at Nick in retaliation. He shoved Nick and the two of them started wrestling. Kevin sighed.

“Okay, if we are done being children...I have a better way to decide. I’m the oldest and I get dibs.” Kevin said, and everyone disapproved immediately. As the first couple countries came and went, the boys grew more and more tired. They would catch quick naps on the sofa or in chairs. Nick was starting to get restless, rolling on the floor up and down the aisles of the airplane and playing songs on the stereo. AJ was watching him and cracking up, Howie was looking at him and secretly hoping he didn’t get bored. When Nick got bored he usually resorted to picking on him. Kevin on the other hand was not too pleased. He wanted to sleep and didn’t feel like getting up so he tried to sleep in the chair, but nothing seemed to work. His head hurt and his eyes were tired. Everyone was being so loud. 

“Will you sit down? What happened to you and Brian playing video games? I’m trying to take a nap.” Kevin called to him irritably. He didn’t want to admit that sometimes he found Nick quite amusing but today was not one of those times. 

“Sorry, Kev. I’m just so bored. I think Brian’s sleeping anyway.” Nick complained. 

“Go be bored somewhere else, then.” Kevin said, briefly wondering if Brian had snuck to the back and claimed the bed to himself since nobody was paying attention. 

Nick shrugged and got up off the floor, heading off to find Brian. It was quiet once again and Kevin smiled, relishing in his success. He finally fell asleep for a little bit but his headache woke him back up. Kevin was surprised at how quiet it was, and he didn’t see any of the guys around. Where could they have gone? It wasn’t like they could leave the plane, so Kevin got up and looked for them. There were some radio DJs traveling with them but they were doing their own thing in the conference room, talking amongst themselves and planning out interviews. Kevin walked further back into the plane, passing by more couches. 

“Where is everybody at?” he wondered. 

He suddenly realized he already knew. He knew exactly where they’d gone. 

Kevin grabbed his camera that he had been using along the trip to take photos and brought it with him to the back of the plane where he found the other four Backstreet Boys in the king sized bed, all asleep. He smiled at them and took a few pictures, and decided not to wake anyone up. 

"Kevin?" Nick asked sleepily, with one eye open. Kevin laughed because he forgot to turn the flash off on his camera. It must have woken Nick up, who was usually a very heavy sleeper. 

“I just wondered where you all went. I didn’t mean to bother anybody.” Kevin whispered. 

“What are you doing here? I wanted the marshmallows all to myself. You can’t have it, because I found this one and it’s mine.” Nick told him, clutching a pillow in his hand. Kevin realized that Nick was dreaming and had no idea he was even in the room. 

“Sorry, I know how much you wanted it. You can have it.” Kevin said, going along with it and trying not to laugh. 

“Thanks Kevin. You’re the best.” Nick mumbled drowsily, both eyes closed as he buried his face back into the other pillow, which was actually the same one Brian was using. Brian stirred next to him, completely oblivious to the conversation as he snored lightly. He didn’t care that Nick had stolen half of his pillow. Kevin took a couple more pictures and let everyone sleep. 

Later that day when they returned to the plane after another long few hours in another country, Kevin sat down next to Nick as they were taking off. He was smiling. 

“Hey.” Kevin waved, because Nick had headphones on, listening to his CD player on the couch. The faint sound of some kind of rap music blared from them when he took them off. 

“What’s up?” Nick asked. Kevin handed him a bag of large marshmallows. Nick looked at it in confusion. 

“I had someone get these for you earlier today.” Kevin explained even though he didn’t ask why or how. Nick laughed and opened the bag. 

“How did you know I had a craving for these like, all day? I don’t know why, but I just really wanted marshmallows for some reason.” Nick replied with a grin on his face, popping one in his mouth and chewing. He offered the bag to Kevin, who took one. 

“Just a feeling, I guess.” Kevin shrugged. 

“These are really good. Thank you.” Nick said with his mouth full. Kevin patted him on the back and left him to his music, strolling to the back of the plane where he spied the empty bed. He decided to take a nap there while nobody was occupying it, at least for a hour or so before they landed in the next country. The promo tour was so hectic that the guys took whatever naps they could in between and wondered if there would ever be a time when things would slow down and they could stop to enjoy just being themselves and have a regular life again. It would be a few years before that would happen, but for now he just took things as they came. 


End file.
